Monday, November 1, 2010

Dedication to Hekate

Let me begin this post by saying that I am typing while visibly trembling.. I am shaken, physically, mentally, spiritually... I am Hers. I am Hers now... I feel my mind filled with Her names.. My soul is crying for Her... Even my very body is shaking with Her memory...

Dedication is POWERFUL.

The rite itself was fairly simple.. On the floor, a napkin, a lit white candle, an old key, a small piece of cake, blessed salt water, athame and myself.. Myself? Hardly. I called all familiar beings in attendance and for witnessing this dedication. Gods, daemons, ancestors... All here to observe, confirm and witness... And in the very centre of the focus lay She, the Queen of the Night, the Mighty Initiatrix, the Cosmic Soul, my Goddess, HEKATE.

I did not plan the ritual ahead of time.. I decided it would be best if it came out of my inspiration and the influence of the Gods right there and then. I only had one thing decided, that the primary offering would be a drop of my blood, to seal and symbolize the offering of my whole self, the dedication.

It worked... not as I expected. As I sat there, calling Her in Her many names... Crying out for Her, presenting myself before Her, pledging myself to Her service.. for life. I swore no oaths, I took no vows... Yet this simple statement: "I am yours now.. I give you myself, my life, my service.. May be worthy of you..." holds for me greater weight than any elabourate oath, any detailed promise.. I feared making promises that I might not fully uphold... and She asked for none.. She simply asked for ME... and I gave Her myself... It was and is unbelievable.. the presences.. like many eyes watching me.. yet as a powerful flame, there was She, my Goddess, my Queen, my Mother... Her presence gentle yet firm, fleeting for the senses yet powerfully there... She saw. She heard. She accepted. I am Hers.

I tried offering a drop of my blood. I used a sharp, sterilized needle to pierce my fingertip... I couldn't. It's not that I cowered... I couldn't prick my finger! Not the tip, not the soft skin on the back of the palm, not the thin part between the fingers. I pressed, hard indeed, and I could not pierce my skin. I started trembling... A thought stroke me like lightining.. "This is not what I want"... Hekate did not want that offering. She did not want my blood. I stood there, needle in hand, trembling as if I were naked and out in the freezing cold... She wanted ME. My life, my words, my actions, my everything. She cares not for blood or offerings or rituals although She finds them appropriate and good. I left the needle aside.. and gave myself to Her. I am Hers.

I feel... I can't describe it. This is the Mystery. I cannot find words for it.. nor should I.. All I can say is this... I'll treasure it.. Hekate asks not for promises kept.. She asks for truthful devotion.. She asks for love and trust and wisdom and friendship and working.. I realized that even if at times I fail to keep my promises.. what matters to Her is that I am honest and true.. She wants me to know that I cannot keep all promises.. She showed me this during the preparatory month.. I only realized it now..

I have nothing else to say.. I can't even guarrantee the cohesion of all this.. It feels as if I am in a half-dream state.. I am unsure if I am really typing and describing anything.. I don't know if you'll read anything of meaning or mere ramblings... However, I promised this blog.. Earlier than expected.. She is here, She has always been here.. It's just that my eyes opened only now.. I feel Her.. Not overly so.. yet distinctly.. She is here. I am Hers.

Hail Hekate.. I love you.